Verbal abuse needs to come out of the dark

As the stars glow in the US Central Time Zone sky on another, Father’s Day, the year of 2026, 20 years after the start of the MeToo movement, founded by the great Tarana Burke, I want to send a message to the men and husbands out there, the dads that have really, truly done the work to correct their wrongs around society norms that verbal abuse and emotional manipulation, are to be tolerated, Happy Father's Day.

To the others that have yet to understand that verbal abuse and emotional manipulation has devastating consequences, that time and time again keeps woman down, creates generational trauma, across families, across communities, across states, and across countries, let’s start to connect the dots and understand why this form of abuse can no longer be kept behind closed doors. Yes, woman are also verbal abusers, but studies show they lash out when they are at the end of their rope.

So, for those that have apologized, for their past wrongs, not just with words but real, sincere action, seeking therapy, taking classes, sharing their truths, helping other men understand the impact of abuse, for those Men, Happy Father’s Day.

Thank you for not buying into the myth that verbal abuse and emotional manipulation is okay, and should be tolerated, especially by women of color.

• Thank you for understanding that when a woman tells you that your behavior is causing her emotional distress, you Refrain from telling her that You are not the problem instead she you spiral her down to the gates of hell telling her and anyone that will listen, that No, it is not me, I am not the problem, instead you describe her, and tell her over and over again, often times in front of her children, that she is:

• Insane

• Bizarre

• Unhinged

• Crazy

• Derange

• A Conspiracist

• Unstable

• Out of Control, and that she should Settle Down.

  
  

So if you are one of the Men that are saying, hats off to France for passing a much needed up date to their domestic violence laws, with Penal Code, Article 222-14-3, that states that psychological and verbal abuse is itself a form of abuse, and is punishable and illegal, I hope you enjoyed your Father’s Day.

For the others, you should know that more countries are following what France made into law now 10 years ago. Women like me that fall victim to this form of abuse, are often dealing with it behind closed doors, and because you can’t see a broken bone, or bruise, you sit in silence unable to fully understand why your self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth, is constantly being challenged.

And victims of verbal abuse and emotional manipulation, find the abuse subtle, little by little, bit by bit, and a challenge to explain to those that orbit their lives.

So, I am asking the City of Minneapolis, the Minnesota State Legislature and all those that want to improve the way we treat women, to join the Connect the Dot movement, and be the City and State that passes the first wave of this legislation in the United States.

A state like Minnesota, often cited as progressive, would again be a beacon of hope for so many women, and some men, and certainly children, who fall victim to verbal harassment, bullying, psychological manipulation, that can tear them down, to the point of peril, devastation and inability to live their lives, only to be told over and over, just walk away, just tell them to stop, just turn off your phone, just get off social media, just make new friends, just leave him, just get over it.

When the reality is, the victim can be so traumatized they cannot understand what is happening to them that makes them freeze and unable to stand up and say enough is enough, instead they soldier on, until they have no more left to give.

Trauma victims of verbal abuse fall prey to the abusers that often hide and need to be brought out of the dark, into the light, even if it means calling on friends and advisors, to support the effort, to right their wrongs.

Studies show that verbal abuse targets more economically secure woman educated woman that are all too often looked as strong, able to withstand a great deal of stress. And these women are often surrounded by high powered men, hang with the popular kids, or ostracized by those kids, or a minority girl or woman that is scapegoated as the “other”. This group of victims are different than women of domestic bodily violence, which is visual and has been on the law books for over a century.

Instead, victims of verbal abuse and emotional manipulation, have a terrible time getting justice, with the abusers allowed to not own up to their horrific treatment, with devastating consequences, leaving the victim to relive their trauma over and over because of the harmful psychological talk tracks that play over and over again, but with no physical scars visible to the eye, so the victims suffer in silence.

I am deeply passionate about this, as I have been horribly impacted by verbal abuse. And the way to heal is Justice, Purpose, and Helping Others not fall victim to an abuser that cannot change, take accountability, and certainly as Yet to apologize, provide reparations, and show real change.

And real change, means not only words of apology, but real action, to demonstrate they are aware that the devastation they caused can only be healed through Justice, Acknowledgement, and Reparations.

Read more about how the France Laws have made a profound impact and are now starting to reduce the terror, that causes lasting generational trauma (click on the link and chose the English version):

Understanding France's Penal Code

Verbal Abuse - What are your rights

Start today and join this movement by liking this page, sharing our content, and donating to our cause here: Connect the Dots - we are starting a movement.